We can do anything. Except speak English.
Audacious, Humorous, Provocative
11 The Führer-Shine
German licence to conquer Britain by car
12 Junckers Ltd.
Britain’s new Challenge
14 Auf in den Kampf ...
28 Corbyn cutting his suit according to his cloth
30 “Aufbau North”
Swollowing Pride and Prejudice
32 Scotch on the Rocks
England’s Blend of Hope and Glory
39 Letter from America
Volkswagen’s Trump Card
‘The Presidential Cheetah’
43 The Promised Land
The tempting sound of an English word
69 Fake News
70 The ominous and sinister McPye
A story written with the likelihood of bias
76 German Epilogue
The WURST is still the best
Germany first! – Say “JA” to Dexit
83 British Epilogue
I have a cream ...
Britain on a sharp edge
The Lion’s Pen
Leap in the dark
Global Britain – Sweet and sour
High Wire Act – Back to the future
The Month of Merry May
91 Remember, Remember ...
To the British people
My most respected British friends I fear
there are some things you do not want to hear.
My words – that can be sharp and also lax –
audaciously reveal some hidden facts
that shape the inmost spirit of our nations
and influence our mutual relations.
Yet if you take them with a pinch of salt,
forgive the odd mistake and random fault,
my words may be regarded as a gift.
They seek to understand and heal our rift.
“Auf in den Kampf ...”
Oh, What a Lovely Chore
The blood of German pacifists began to curdle
when their keen President removed the final hurdle.
For he had heard of boisterous and unruly chaps
that seemed most apt to fill the German armies’ gaps.
Those boys were most deprived and ever so hard-bitten
and hung around the very bleakest parts of Britain.
Recruiters knew the very spots where they could find
these reckless men that had the proper frame of mind.
The Germans combed the sites where riots once took place
and mustered all the hooligans that they could trace
to lick the toughest of the toughest into shape
to stop them from committing crimes like theft and rape.
In Germany they then could start their new career
as private, sergeant, officer or brigadier.
All chosen British lads were filled with pride and awe
the day when solemnly and publicly they swore
together they would march, together they would stand
and die for their new leaders, folk and fatherland.
While Germany arranged her matters of defence
in Britain sentiments were getting rather tense.
The German army’s most peculiar composition
here largely was regarded with immense suspicion:
A German force with British men that had been bought?
That was indeed a shocking and most frightening thought!
At home these boys knew every hidden nook and cranny
which they had rummaged round while guarded by their granny.
Unlike the common foreign soldier or odd ranger
these boys were posing now a most potential danger,
for with their help the German army might succeed
in conquering Britain with unprecedented speed.
The fear that these fine boys could be a threat to Britain
was taken seriously and virtually written
across all public buildings and on every wall
that could be found inside a British city hall,
while ordinary people asked: Whose fault is this?
Where did we err? Where did our country go amiss?
The anxious British Prime Minister took the blame
and tried to drain the swamp from which those blighters came.
A nationwide initiative was swiftly started
to close the gap by which society was parted,
as this had been described as one essential reason
that prompted British sons to actions close to treason.
Swallowing Pride and Prejudice
They say that Corbyn is a man that for his part
supports the people of the North with all his heart.
This is the region that gives rise to various disputes
as here some of the British troubles have their roots.
To solve these grievous problems Corbyn has begun
to ask some British specialists what should be done
to turn the North once more into a blooming scene
to make it wealthy, habitable and serene.
He learnt in theory this wasn’t a big thing,
in practice it would be a mission for a king.
Yet over this the Labour Party got divided
and this is why their Leader cleverly decided
to leave the execution of the job at hand
to veritable experts that do understand
how one should tackle matters of such vast dimensions
although this meant he had to break with old conventions.
“Risen from Ruins”